PMS Gundam Wing Style
by Lady Karasu
Summary: This is exactly what it sounds like. I really can't give a better discription, just give it a try and if you dont like it in the first few paragraphs, click off. Rated only because I'm not sure if fics with Sht in them can be rated 'G'. shrugs


This is a Gundam Wing fic. Its a very WRONG Gundam Wing fic. This is a very wrong Gundam Wing fic, written at about 1am, during a nasty cold. Expect it to be messed up. If you enjoy things like that, this is just for you... ^_~ This is pretty much set outside of the series. I think I managed to keep it down to only Mildly OOC, (Not including the girls), but I could be wrong. Sorry if I butchered a character, but it's all in the name of humor. ^_^ Standard disclaimers apply, we all know I dont own them... no matter how much I'd love too. *letcherous grin* (Implied 4X3, and 13X5... if ya wanna see it that way...)

~Lady Karasu   
'Spork no Miko'

PMS- Gundam Wing Style  
~Or~  
"Oh _Shit_"  


The other pilots hovered over the nearly catatonic pilot of Wing, wondering exactly what brought this on. They had received a call that he had been missing, but the last place they expected to find him was huddled up in one of Quatre's broom closets.  
  
Having dragged him out, they were now trying to figure out what was wrong with him. He would just sit there and rock quietly, mouthing something to himself and staring blankly.  
  
After a brief check-up, (in which nothing physical seemed to be wrong) Trowa made a suggestion. "It seems, someone or something has shocked him to the point of disassociating himself from the world." (It almost sounded like someone muttered, "you'd know all about that" but he couldn't quite tell, so he just brushed it off as his imagination.)  
  
Quatre winced, absently rubbing his chest. "Or terrified him I doubt a simple shock would affect him this way, and I'm not sure if that sort of a shock is _possible_ for him anymore; He was trained far to well for that. It would take something of a much larger magnitude." He paused, looking disturbed. "Though what could frighten _him_ that badly", He trailed off, shuddering.  
  
Duo blinked in disbelief. "But Mr. Perfect Soldier's not afraid of anything. He's _SELF DESTRUCTED_ before!"  
  
Trowa shook his head. "True, but there are worse things in the world. I believe I've heard the girls mentioning that Relena is having her monthly visitor..."  
  
Wufei grimaced.  
  
"Dorothy?" Quatre asked innocently  
  
"Well, that's one way of putting it...", Duo said under his breath.  
  
"No Quatre", Trowa said quietly, "they mean she's got her period."  
  
"Ooh... well, that would explain some things."  
  
"Like what?"  
  
"Once a month, Iria would send me off to a weeklong retreat to get me out of the house. She said they were having a special visitor"  
  
Duo blanched at the thought of 29 women having simultaneous periods, which reminded him of something. "Um, guys... the girls have been hanging out a lot lately, haven't they?"  
  
Everyone looked at Duo  
  
Wufei looked slightly exasperated; all this talk of feminine issues was really getting to him. "Yes, why?"  
  
"You do remember what happens when women spend a lot of time together, right?"*  
  
He had received a communal, "uhhhh....?", when one of the doors behind them was slammed open by the answer.  
  
Duo winced. "Uh-oh..."  
  
At that time a piercing voice broke into their conversation, rising in intensity as it screeched. "TrooowWA! Where have you been?!?"  
  
Trowa's eyes went wide, and Duo just heard the whispered, "oh shit" he uttered before bolting. His surprise at the unnatural behavior of the normally stoic pilot held him in a confused pause for a moment at least until a knife embedded itself into the wall next to his head. Really _close_ to his head, actually. At that point he remembered exactly what it was Trowa's sister _did_ for a living, and bolted out right after him. The other pilots had the good sense to follow, Heero slung haphazardly over Wufei's shoulder and sputtering something about the coming doom and fuzzy animals.  
  
It was a frightening time for all.  
  
**  
~About an hour, and several miles later~**  
  
Wufei sat down, refusing to run from 'weak women' any longer. (The same weak women who had apparently stolen the spark plugs, and cut the brake lines on all of their vehicles) He commented loftily, "I have no ties with any of them - I have no need to run like the rest of you."  
  
At that point, Duo leaned in with a not-so-nice smile on his face. Actually, they usually saw THAT smile after someone scratched Deathscythe's paint   
  
"'Fei, what was one of your first targets in the war?"  
  
He waited patiently for a moment, but got only a blank look from the Chinese warrior.   
  
"All right," Duo conceded," better question: Who's barracks did you blow up at the beginning of the war?"  
  
Wufei's eyes widened slightly. Duo's smile got a little more evil, as that started to sink in.  
Hey, if he knew Hilde was probably after him, why should _any_ of them get to rest? (He had a sinking feeling she was responsible for the current state of their car's.) And _His_ likely pursuer had already caught him once -er- twice before  
  
"Exactly. And Noin _is_ one of the girls with combat training, unlike most of them."  
  
Duo rolled his eyes, mentally griping that his wasn't one of the 'most' covered in that statement.  
  
At that point Wufei muttered something more than likely unkind in Chinese, of which the connotation was rather obvious. He hefted Heero, slinging the still less-than-conscious pilot over his shoulder once more.  
  
"Lets get moving." He paused briefly to glared at Duo. "And DON'T call me 'Fei."  
  
**  
~About 20 minutes later, in the middle of some woodland or another~**  
  
They heard what was very likely a Taurus flying overhead, though it was entirely possible that a trick of the light or paranoia made Wufei think it was white Still, they weren't taking any extra chances. They changed course and quickened their pace.  
  
**  
~About another 30 minutes later, at a stream - still somewhere in the woods~ **  
  
Nobody mentioned the line of drool now trailing down Wufei's back when they stopped to take a breather. Everyone took a minute to sit and take a drink from what was hopefully a clean stream. Well, it was until the pilot of Shenlong set Heero down next to it but drool disperses quickly, doesn't it?   
  
"Oh shit"   
  
Duo thought he had been surprised hearing that out of Trowa, but QUATRE?! He blinked. Next, Heero was going to get up to do a jig, and Wufei would start professing his undying love of all things feminine That's it; the world is coming to an end.  
  
He shook his head, wondering out loud, "Quatre, besides your sisters you don't really have any women in your life, and you haven't done anything to piss any of our girls off." He gave Wufei a significant look at that.   
  
"I mean, Trowa's not exactly going to get PMS any time soon, unless there's something we don't know about him What are _you_ so freaked about?" Briefly, Duo sent a silent thanks to the universe, that none of the Gundam Pilots were women that would truly be a disaster. Visions came, of highly trained terrorists 'going postal' because someone forgot the rocky rode, or they suddenly thought they looked fat in their flight suits oh man He shook his head trying to clear that thought.  
  
Quatre looked at him strangely for a moment before answering.   
  
"Duo, think about it - out of the girls, who's the only one who doesn't already have someone obvious to go after, and has already had an _altercation_ with me."  
  
Duo winced. Dorothy. Now that was one psycho chick. Even her _eyebrows_ were scary. "Um well, it can't be that bad?", he tried weakly. "At least she doesn't do Knife throwing for a living" (They hadn't seen Trowa since Catherine showed up they had begun to wonder if she actually caught him.)  
  
Quatre deadpanned. "Duo, she skewered me the last time I saw her. At least Catherine tries NOT to hit Trowa normally."  
  
He winced again. "Good point - lets flee."  
**  
~And yet again: Later, and well more than several miles away~**  
  
The motley group had just topped a ridge, standing on the rock outcropping to look over the forest they just left behind. It was nearing dusk now, and they were all in agreement (for the first time today, since fleeing the women) that they should find a secure place to rest/sleep.  
  
Noticing some caves in this area, they had decided to scout them out, and bed down somewhere, preferably safe. Having made a hefty climb, they were now faced with one of the larger openings on the ridge.  
  
Just then, Quatre noticed two golden orbs hovering inside the cave's inky mouth. Peering warily into the darkness, he found himself face-to-face with a Mountain Lion. He gulped, hoping it wasn't a _hungry_ Mountain Lion.  
  
He started to back up cautiously when he bumped into Duo, who consequently bumped into Wufei, who nearly dropped Heero. (He swore later that it wasn't on purpose, just like all those times he had bumped the other pilots head into trees and rocks on the way there were an accident)  
  
It was about that time that the other (conscious) pilots noticed the Cougar too.   
  
"Oh no", Quatre muttered fretfully as the all started to back up.   
  
So a Mountain Lion didn't warrant an 'oh shit?' Duo realized that Quatre found this circumstance less intimidating than dealing with Dorothy. He had to agree with him.  
  
Unfortunately, they had already used up all their ammo earlier that day, driving off a rather tenacious pack of wild dogs (or river rats - Duo had argued - one could never be too sure these days). Now the Cougar was following them all out of the cave, and starting to look rather interested in dinner company. Or just dinner  
  
Just then, they heard a birdlike whistle coming from inside the cave.** The Cougar turned to look at the opening, listening intently, as that weird whistling came again. The boys had just decided to flee while it was distracted, when a familiar banged head popped out of said cave.  
  
The other pilots just stood stunned, as Trowa looked them over. "I thought I heard you out here." He turned around to go back in. "Come on, its safe in here."  
  
They eyed the large cat suspiciously, and Wufei called out, "And what are we supposed to do about him?"  
  
Another whistle from inside the cave was their answer, and the Mountain Lion snorted at them, then padded lazily back inside. Duo shrugged. "Well, I guess that answers that."  
  
  
**~Just a little later, inside that cave~**  
  
They sat around, discussing supplies, and whether they should all hole up together, or hide separately until the 'red scourge' as it had been dubbed, had passed. The consensus was currently two for splitting up (Trowa and Wufei) and Three to stay together (Duo propped up Heero's hand during the vote - the other pilots just let it go, there was no use arguing with him that it wasn't a 'reflex decision'.)  
  
Suddenly there was a loud noise not far off, and the ground shook as if they had ended up in the middle of a small earthquake. Small stones (compared to a gundam) and dirt fell down around them. Seconds later it had died down and a fairly loud explosion was heard somewhere outside of the cave, shaking them again. As some more of their ceiling tumbled down on them, Duo and Trowa cautiously made their way to the opening and peered out. 

In an unnervingly calm voice, Duo asked, "Wufei, do you think Une found out about you and Treize...?"  
  
Several sets of eyes went wide, as all the coherent members of their party groaned out one common phrase.  
  
"Oh _Shit_"  


~Owari...?~

  
* If you didn't know this, when women spend a lot of time together, their cycles tend to coincide. It's happened to me twice [i.e. with two different sets of friends that I hung out with] - odd, but it happens. Too much information? Ya, well, deal with it.  
  
** Yes, that's what they sound like. I checked. ^_~  


.  


Feedback, feedback, PLEASE send me feedback!  
  
Note: I've gotten some requests for continuation (yay me! ^_^ Thanks everyone!), but I'm kinda taxed after this part (the initial idea had been sitting in the limbo of 'my documents' for several months before I actually wrote the thing...), so if you have any suggestions, by all means, send 'em my way, and I'll see if I cant get my muses jumpstarted. ^_~


End file.
